Lesson Learned

I got burned.

Burnt by his flame,

As a result, to not letting go.

But why should he pick and choose,

Contacting me after so long.

Again, another selfish decision he made,

He made plenty of those.

Making these suppressed emotions remerge.

What did he expect?

To creep back in to my life,

Uninvited.

With his motive viciously hidden.

What did he want?

Cruelly possessing my soul,

And pulling away.

Selfishly,

And heartlessly.

That’s what he became.

As if something had stolen his soul,

Leaving me an empty vessel.

I’m fighting off these tears,

Tears of him.

Convincing them to stay away.

He doesn’t deserve these tears.

These precious tears.

Tears that I will never own again,

As they escape through these eyes.

 

I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned.

 

 

This piece is about a time in my life when a past lover decided to contact me after so long. I remember the exact moment I received a message from him. It was a shock, especially considering how it ended. I was sat in the library with my friends studying for an exam and there it hit me. I reached for my phone and I had received a message saying “Hello” by an unknown number. I remember saying to myself “who is this?” The number had looked so familiar, as if I had suppressed my memory. A familiar face came to mind, his face but I quickly shrugged it off. Convincing myself that it couldn’t be him… I showed my friend the message and she looked at me as if to say ‘I think you know who it is’ but she dared not to say it. Not long after I realised who it was, my fears came back. Why now? I kept asking myself and my friend. We came up with possible reasons why, but I wanted to know from him. But he refused to tell me why during an argument which developed a few weeks later when I decided to bring it up. I wanted answers, he never gave them. But instead selfishly creeping back into my life with his motives hidden. I call it selfish, he knew what he was doing. Allowing these suppressed emotions, feelings re-emerge, catching me off guard. He was still as cold, still the cold heartless guy I left behind in the past. No display of love and understanding, too stubborn for his own good. He was now just an empty vessel, god knows I prayed for this vessel to be filled. And yet again, I got burned. I convinced these silly tears to stay away, not to give into the thought that things had changed. Instead I got burned, but I call it a lesson learned. Only making me stronger.

 

 

 

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